SURVIVORSHIP

Hi everybody,

Thought I'd drop by and say hello. I've been thinking a lot about survivorship lately, wondering if I'll ever get cancer again, and if I'd want to have treatment. I'm not so sure.

I really want to drive across country NOW and do speaking engagements on suicide prevention while I'm still here. Does anyone have any connections to Winnebago? I'm envisioning myself in a Winnebago Rialta, and I've been affirming "I am driving around the country now in a Winnebago Rialta, giving suicide prevention talks at hospitals, high schools, colleges, psychiatric units, conferences, public forums, libraries, and more. I am helping a lot of people, feeling great, making good money, and seeing all of the beautiful sites." I realized the other day that this is the only thing I know for sure.

I've been feeling great, very busy working three jobs: the store, window design, and book-related stuff. I've stopped fretting about money, even though I still haven't paid off my August mortgage, and I just received a shut-off notice from the electric company. Hmm. When oh when will my life be different financially. I'm putting a lot of stock in the public speaking end of things, figuring when I do that I am helping people. Plus, I love it and it's so rewarding. I did a lot of chanting to Lakshmi today, in the hopes that she'll help, but I've really let it go. I don't feel stressed about it, yet I know not when things will change. I used to feel so angry because I have so many, yet money is a challenge. Now I'm just saying to god, "I don't know what I can do differently in terms of work, but I'll just keep doing what I'm doing." Now, the definition insanity is defined as, "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting difference results." Perhaps I'm barking up the wrong tree? Your guess is as good as mine.

In terms of survivorship, for today I'm not worrying whether or not the food I eat and the water I drink is going to give me cancer again. I'm eating well and praying when I drink water. I have an appointment with my oncologist on Sept. 20. I realized that I'm feeling so much better now that I'm not on Femara. I've decided that I am not going to start it again. I'm just going to let it go. If the cancer returns, it returns. I can't worry about it anymore.

I'm going to go over to my other blog Bright Horizons and post there. Why don't you join me?

Love,
Sue

Enjoy these beautiful sites that I hope soon to see!