NEW ADDITION

Morning one and all. I wanted to point out that there is a brand new edition to Sue's Boob Blog. Check out the sidebar, just below the Out of the Darkness logo. You'll find an inspirational video from the 2010 Boston Out of the Darkness. Click the big arrow and it will start. Beneath the video screen there are four gray boxes. Click the one on the far left with a four arrows pointing to each corner, and it will expand to fill your screen. To get back to the blog, click on the lower left gray box with the four arrows pointing to each corner, and it will shrink the video image and take you back to the blog. If you'd like to donate to the walk, click here. I'm up to $708 thus far, toward my goal of $1,000.

I'm pooped today. I gave a suicide prevention forum yesterday, which went great. It's intense work, and I usually feel pretty tired after a presentation. So, today is a day for gentility and patience with myself. I'm going in to design windows then to dinner and a movie at a friends. Looking forward to it. We're going to watch The Fighter, and they have a huge, five-foot high-def TV. Love it.

I'm feeling a bit scared about money. I must be doing something wrong. I just don't get it. I work hard, yet I continue to struggle. I know there are millions of people just like me, but that doesn't make it any easier. I'm going to have to go to the food pantry today to get some free food. At least I was able to pay my March mortgage -- on March 31 -- but at least I paid it. I've got a shut off notice from the gas company and several other bills waiting for payment. I do my best to let it go and trust that all is well and that one day I'll have money. It just gets hard to believe that when I can't afford to buy food. Scary. People think, "Oh, published author, public speaker, she must have money." Not the case. As most published authors know, once the heyday of the big advance, publishing, and book tour are done, it's back regular life. Only a select few can quit their day jobs and become writers who make a decent living off their craft.

I feel like I need to do another life altering shake-r-up-per like ISA, or the Institute for Self Actualization. I did The Experience back in 2004, then the Graduate Intensive Training after that. What a phenomenal experience. B and I have talked about doing Landmark together. I need to have the rug ripped out from under me so I can reinvent my thoughts again, reach higher for my dreams, and let go of old, dusty beliefs. I need a strong reminder that anything is possible. I need to pull myself out of this vat of taffy and get clean and move forward. Financially, it feels like I'm still stuck in the past, not entirely, but residually. So much has changed in my life for the better -- on every front -- and I am truly grateful. It's this nagging piece that I've yet to fully understand. Maybe it's this day and age, maybe it's the economy, but I believe I have a lot of valuable skills to offer the world, and with all I have to offer it is my belief that I could be living very comfortably. I suppose it takes time like everything else. It's just scary and stressful that's all. I wish it were easier. Part of the joy of having an abundance of money is giving it away. I look forward to the day when I can do that again.

Speaking of which, I need to get my butt to work. Have a great day all, and remember to be kind -- to yourself and others. Can you offer a smile to everyone you meet today? Try it. It can change the world. In the meantime, I'll start praying to Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth.

Love,
Sue