Hi. I spoke with the surgery scheduler yesterday and the date they have for me is Friday, August 21, so there it is. NOW I feel afraid. The idea of having my ovaries removed surfaces a slew of thoughts, feelings, and realizations. That, combined with the fact that my breast is still warm to the touch and a bit hard, despite being nearly done with the anti-biotics, is starting to wear on me. I need to check out the website that Nat told me about Hyster Sisters. I won't be having a full hysterectomy, but I'm sure it will be helpful to read of other women's experiences with oophorectomies and the aftermath. I don't feel much like writing at the moment. I need to go into town to do some errands for work. I really want to lay low today. I feel worn out. Worked until 9:30 p.m. last night. Running low on food and money. Nervous about the rise in my health insurance premium and co-pays. Have to have faith that all is well. Will send off the package to the national VA suicide prevention coordinator as soon as I get some books from my publisher, which should be today or tomorrow. I'm having fun creating artwork for the show on July 25. I had a dream last night in which I was contemplating grad school again to be a children's therapist. Hmm. I just wish it didn't take two years to get a degree. Maybe I need to rethink the grad school idea. First things first, though. Surgery August 21, then the post-menopausal emotions. That's what scares me most. The other feelings are grief at never bearing children, even though I've never felt strongly about doing so. It's just the fact that I won't be able to after August 21 that feels sad and like a waste. 
I definitely feel nervous about this because my chest is fluttering. I'm going to sign off and do what I have to do before going to work.Love,
Sue
3 comments:
Aw, Sue... All I can say, is try not to project what 'might' happen after the surgery. It just as easily 'might not' happen!
A lot of women have a problem accepting that they can't bear children anymore. I never wanted children. A lot of people around me thought that it would bother me after the surgery, but it never did. I was a little worried too, because my friends had projected their fears for me, onto me. I never did have a problem with that aspect, thankfully.
As far as the menopausal emotions - I didn't suffer from that. I know that you have real concerns about that because of your past experiences. I really hope that you have no roller coaster emotions! Again, a lot of that is people projecting horror stories to scare us about menopause. The reality, I think, is not as bad as many would like us to believe.
However, hot flashes are very, very real :) (as you already know). But they are bearable!
I hope that you go in to the doc soon for your breast. Maybe you need a different antibiotic - but you certainly don't want this to continue.
Hystersisters has a forum for women that are just having oophrectomies. You can just read, or post - the women on that site are wonderful, understanding, and helpful.
Hang in there Sue - I hope everything works out soon. Oh - your earrings are beautiful! You have a real talent for making jewelry!
Hi Nat
You are such a sweetheart. Thank you once again for your expert words of encouragement. From now on I am going to omit talking about the possibility of rollercoaster emotions. You are totally right: there is not point in projecting my and other's fears when it might not even be a problem.
Thanks.
Love
Sue
Sue-
Please let me know how may be of help on, before, or after 8/21 surgery. Love, Barb
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